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The Paradox of Maladaptive Behaviour: Losing Control to be in Control

Updated: May 20

Feeling out of control to be in control sounds counterintuitive, but there's a reason for these kinds of coping mechanisms and how they can keep you in a cyclical mindset of low self-worth.



At times, individuals may find themselves caught in a cycle of seemingly reckless and self-sabotaging actions. Surprisingly, this behaviour stems from a deep desire to regain a sense of control over their own lives. Engaging in excessive drinking, drug use, and promiscuous sexual behaviour can be classified as maladaptive behaviours, according to psychologists.


What exactly constitutes maladaptive behaviour?


Maladaptive behaviour encompasses detrimental patterns that offer temporary solace or gratification, yet ultimately hinder an individual's overall well-being and aspirations. Examples of using substances to manage stress, engaging in casual sexual encounters despite desiring a committed relationship, or indulging in excessive eating to soothe negative emotions are all worth considering.


The Paradox of Control


From an outsider's perspective, these behaviours appear to be quite unmanageable. Individuals struggling with addiction often push their limits to dangerous extremes, disregarding the potential consequences to their well-being and personal connections.


What is the potential impact of these on your sense of control?


It's interesting how, in moments of complete chaos and despair, succumbing to unhealthy impulses can create a false sense of power and comfort. Drinking is used as a means to manage anxiety. Individuals who struggle with emotional pain may seek relief through substance use. An individual grappling with feelings of inadequacy manages their fear of being rejected by engaging in casual sexual encounters, effectively keeping emotional intimacy at a distance.


Within the depths of the cycle


Naturally, this fleeting facade serves no purpose and stops progress. After the euphoria fades away, the harsh reality sets in, bringing along a host of unpleasant repercussions - hangovers, exhaustion, strained relationships, and other undesirable outcomes. This perpetuates further anxiety, distress, and diminished self-esteem, fortifying the cycle of addiction.


When faced with the overwhelming challenges of depression, trauma, anxiety disorders, or other mental health struggles, individuals may find themselves resorting to maladaptive behaviours as a means of coping and finding temporary relief. However, they merely lay the groundwork for the subsequent cycle of anguish.


The Authentic Route to Achieving Healthy Control


To truly take control of your life, it is essential to focus on developing effective coping strategies and making lifestyle adjustments that tackle the underlying problems. This may involve seeking treatment for substance abuse, engaging in therapy to work through past traumas, cultivating authentic self-esteem, or seeking out a supportive community and purpose.


Choosing a more challenging route can ultimately lead to genuine liberation, personal discipline, and enduring satisfaction. Ironically, the desire to regain control through maladaptive behaviours is often a misguided attempt, as true progress lies in relinquishing control and dedicating oneself to the challenging task of managing your body, mind, and life.

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