Mothers with narcissistic tendencies often tend to favour one daughter, labelling her as the "golden child" or the "good daughter," while simultaneously belittling another daughter, designating her as the "bad daughter" or scapegoat. This harmful dynamic can have a detrimental impact on the daughters' self-esteem. The daughters adopt and internalise various roles and patterns as they compete for the highly desired "good" status or resist being labelled as "bad."
If you had a mother with narcissistic tendencies, it's possible that she engaged in a manipulative practice of favouring one child as the "golden child" or "good daughter," while simultaneously devaluing and rejecting another child labelled as the "bad daughter." This common dynamic often arises with parents who exhibit narcissistic tendencies.
The "good daughter" role is often bestowed upon the child who fulfils the narcissistic mother's craving for admiration and perpetuates her fabricated self-image and extravagant delusions. This daughter is highly disciplined, strives for excellence, and avoids causing any disruptions. The "bad daughter" is often unfairly blamed and made to feel responsible for any issues or shortcomings within the family dynamic.
In her book "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?", Dr. Carol McBride delves into the complex dynamics of narcissistic parenting. She highlights the detrimental impact it has on children, as they are subjected to demeaning and dehumanising treatment for the sake of compliance and as a means for the parent to release their aggression.
The roles can be inflexible, yet they have the potential to shift, leaving both daughters feeling uncertain and competing for the coveted "good" role. The concept revolves around one child being a consistent provider of admiration and validation, while the other child becomes a receptacle for self-criticism and suppressed imperfections.
Daughters who find themselves confined to these dehumanising roles may undergo the profound impact of complex trauma, grapple with their sense of self-worth, and encounter challenges in their other interpersonal connections. The preferred role appears to be the "good" one, but it comes with the unfortunate consequence of sacrificing your true identity. The negative role may be demeaning, but it grants greater psychological autonomy.
In the end, the manipulative tactics employed by a self-absorbed mother can have devastating consequences for both of her children. It evokes a sense of inadequacy, suppression of emotions, detrimental habits of seeking validation, and the possibility of enduring long-term challenges with self-assurance and self-discovery.
Healing requires the strength to rise above past trauma and redefine your self-worth, independent of the distorted value system imposed by a narcissist.
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