The agony of a miscarriage is terrible, and being alone during this time makes it much worse. The journey becomes even more isolating when you add in a mother who is narcissistic and unable to empathise. Dealing with such a terrifying event and juggling toxic family dynamics; this blog delves into ways to cope, ways to take care of yourself, and ways to discover strength inside.
A miscarriage is among the most terrifying things that may happen to a pregnant woman. You experience a whirlwind of physical and hormonal changes as your mind struggles with deep sadness and loss. The presence of a narcissistic mother during an already terrible period might amplify the feelings of isolation and pain.
True empathy is unattainable for narcissistic parents. When it comes to their children, their wants are always more important than anything else. My mother's insensitive and selfish reaction to my miscarriage in 2018 made me feel much worse.
My Experience with a Miscarriage
I knew something was wrong when I scheduled an 11-week scan in 2018; this had happened before, and, again, the technician had failed to find a heartbeat. My body hadn't recognised the pregnancy's end weeks earlier, but further investigation showed I had experienced a silent miscarriage. To find out if my body would naturally eliminate the remains of my unborn foetus, I would have to wait for another month.
The mental and physiological misery of being in such a vulnerable position is beyond description. When I told my mum the terrible news, she conveyed no compassion, no empathy, no, "I'm so sorry you're going through this."
After a month had passed, nothing had happened. I wanted my mother to watch my daughter whilst I was in the hospital, but her initial response was, "Can't someone else do it?"
I had to take medication to start the process, and although I passed several clots, hours of painful cramping and severe bleeding my body still would not let go; the doctor had to intervene and remove the additional tissue. It was terrifyingly painful.
My mother did nothing to console me or recognise the depth of my emotional suffering upon my release from the hospital; I was vulnerable and crying. Instead, she quickly turned the subject to herself and the things causing her concern. My wants and my miscarriage had nothing to do with one other; except they did. She used this to start a fight and stormed out of the house.
Selfish Ignorance of Others' Feelings
Because narcissists lack the capacity for genuine empathy, they are unable to provide emotional support to their children while they are experiencing any kind of emotional hurdle, however trivial. Rather than viewing their children's difficulties as unique experiences, many parents take it personally and see it as a reflection of themselves. Narcissistic parents are unable to provide their children with the support they need while they are going through their own challenges because of their egotistical thinking.
During my miscarriage, my mother's extreme egotism and complete lack of empathy were clearly demonstrated. Instead of offering comfort and understanding when I needed it most, she emotionally invalidated me, ignoring my suffering and turning it into a problem for her own damaged self-esteem.
It is incredibly abusive to deal with the narcissism and poison of a parent while also dealing with deep sadness and loss. In times like this, it's crucial to have people in your life who are genuinely there for them, who will not judge or manipulate them, and who can offer a safe place to process all of your feelings.
Learning to care for yourself, establishing healthy boundaries, and mending broken pieces are all necessary steps on the long road to recovery from the devastating emotional scars left by a narcissistic parent's brutality. Making peace with the narcissist's severe restrictions and regaining one's self-worth can be aided by professional support, journaling, mindfulness techniques, and surrounding oneself with emotionally available people in your support network.
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