An essential part of healing is forgiving a narcissistic parent, which is far from easy. Acknowledging their problem, working through their emotions, establishing limits, and choosing to release anger are all part of it. Forgiveness is a difficult but necessary step towards reclaiming your value and moving on with your life.
When you have a parent who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder and engages in abusive and poisonous behaviours, forgiving them can feel like an insurmountable task, if not an absurdity. How do you find the strength to forgive someone who has harmed you deeply since you were a child? A narcissistic parent cannot empathise with their children, has an inflated sense of self-importance, fantasises about being powerful and successful, needs others to constantly praise them, takes advantage of them, and feels entitled to everything that they have. It is quite taxing to live in this environment.
No matter how tough it is, many experts agree that forgiving another person is a necessary step towards healing and wellness. Experiencing forgiveness does not imply endorsing or justifying the narcissistic actions. To go forward, you must make the deliberate decision to release the burden of your anger, resentment, and hurt.
Healing Through Forgiveness
It takes time and effort to forgive, not just one thing. This requires effort and time. Important measures comprise:
1) Realise that narcissism is a mental illness. You will never know the origins of your parents' behaviour, but it is most likely based on their own traumatic experiences as a child. They are dealing with a mental health issue, so please be understanding.
2) Let yourself feel the pain. Release the pent-up frustration and anguish. Try talking to a trusted friend, or a therapist, or keeping a journal to work through your feelings.
3) Own up to your actions and nothing else. Their narcissism isn't your fault, but you might wish to alter some of your own destructive patterns of behaviour (for example, maladaptive coping), which may be impacting others.
4) Define limits. Setting clear limits on what you will and will not tolerate can help you avoid further abuse.
5) Give yourself a break. Some of the narcissistic parent's criticisms and statements about your inadequacy or wrongdoing may have seeped into your own mind. Whatever self-blame you may have felt, forgive yourself.
6) Forgive them when you're ready, but know that doing so will bring you peace. They may never realise how hurtful they were or are still.
The Value of Pardoning
Even if it's very almost incomprehensible, forgiving someone can set you free. You may reclaim emotional agency and stop the narcissistic parent from abusing you if you let go of your anger and bitterness. You can put the past in the past and go on with your life when you forgive. Reclaiming your sense of self-worth and self-esteem is possible. Furthermore, research has demonstrated that forgiving people - even if they are hesitant to make amends can improve mental health.
In the end, forgiving a narcissist is about you, not about approving of their actions. Taking care of yourself is an act of self-love that will help you overcome the limitations imposed by your past. Though challenging, the road ahead grants you the independence to chart your course for the future.
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