In the good books one minute, and the bad the next? Narcissists tend to go through phases of idealising and devaluing the people in their lives. One minute, they will lavish you with praise and attention, the next, they will quickly knock you down and treat you with contempt. To maintain their low self-worth, narcissists resort to arbitrary favouritism, which creates an unstable environment where feelings are conditional. You may stay temporarily idealised as long as you give the narcissist the consistent ego boosts they need, but the moment you even hint at disagreement or criticism, they will quickly devalue you and put you in your place.
If you have encountered a narcissist within your family, you may have undoubtedly witnessed their infuriating talent for favouritism and manipulation, causing strife and division among individuals. It's a whirlwind of emotions when you go from being the favoured one to suddenly being cast aside, watching your sibling revel in the narcissist's constant praise and attention.
This intricate strategy of manipulating loyalties and navigating complex family dynamics is known as toxic triangulation. It is a cunning strategy employed by individuals to exert dominance and authority within the intricate dynamics of dysfunctional family relationships.
Understanding the Mechanics of Toxic Triangulation
The individual begins by creating a division between two individuals, often siblings or a spouse and their extended family. They will incessantly discuss someone in a negative light with others, highlighting imperfections and inciting animosity.
They may also create a sense of competition and rivalry by making comparisons between the two: "Why can't you strive for the same level of success as your accomplished sister?" Her life is incredibly well-organised and put together.
This establishes an unhealthy dynamic in which both parties subconsciously compete for the approval and validation of the individual in question. The individual revels in being the perpetual centre of attention that everyone revolves around.
At the moment when one believes they have solidified their status as the preferred individual, the narcissist will suddenly change their stance and begin praising the very person they were just criticising. Now, the focus shifts as a barrage of insults and devaluation is directed towards you!
This constant shifting between the roles of the favoured one and the blamed one persists endlessly, catering to the narcissist's desires for power and manipulation.
Escaping the Chains of Toxicity
Navigating toxic dynamics can be a constant struggle, as you find yourself constantly trying to regain your footing and secure a place of favour. However, it is impossible to emerge victorious in this psychological battle, as individuals with narcissistic tendencies lack any sense of truth or fundamental principles. Their sole focus is on gratifying their own ego.
An effective approach to handling such manipulation is to completely detach yourself from the never-ending cycle of drama orchestrated by individuals with narcissistic tendencies. Establish clear boundaries, refrain from engaging in their attempts to compare and provoke, and steer conversations away from their negative talk about others.
A crucial aspect is to free oneself from the constant desire for the narcissist's validation, as it will never be granted without conditions. Seek validation from within and from those who genuinely care about you, rather than engaging in harmful manipulations.
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