Children raised by narcissistic parents often find themselves locked in a constant struggle to prove their value and self-worth. What steps can survivors take to improve their self-care? Through a deep and honest self-reflection.
Having a narcissistic parent as a child can leave you with deep psychological scars. When a narcissist needs to boost their ego and sense of self-importance, they often pick one child to criticise and blame. This child is called the "scapegoat."
The narcissistic parent sees their flaws and fears in this child and sees the other children as the"favourite" and perfect.
To the child who is scapegoated, this means hearing overt or covertly for years that they are fundamentally flawed, unfit, or to blame for family problems. Criticism, gaslighting, and other forms of emotional abuse can make the scapegoat child believe that they are broken or bad because they are constantly being criticised and gaslighted.
The critical narrative of the narcissistic parent can stay with an adult survivor for years or even decades, making them feel low self-worth, self-doubt, and lack of self-love. For scapegoated people to regain their sense of self-worth, they need to fix their damaged self-image and learn how to take care of themselves.
The first step is realising that your narcissistic parent's view of you was very skewed and that their judgements did not reflect reality or your real worth as a person. They acted and thought the way they did because they were broken and had problems, not because you were flawed. You were just the easy excuse they used to avoid taking responsibility.
You can choose to stop thinking about the negative self-image that was taught to you as a child when you become an adult. Create a new image of yourself based on your beliefs, strengths, and good traits. Get close to people who will back you and love you for who you are. Their honest words of encouragement and caring thoughts can help change that false view of yourself.
Self-compassion, not self-criticism, is the best way to show yourself the love and care you deserve. Slowly help yourself like you would a good friend. Take care of your physical and mental health, pursue hobbies and interests that make you happy, and forgive yourself when you make mistakes. With time, these kind deeds will say more than the narcissist's mean words ever could.
You are very valuable just because you are you: a whole, flawed, but strong person who has already been through a lot. By making a promise to love and care for yourself, you can let go of the painful labels and limited beliefs that hold you back and step into your power as a survivor.
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